We have all heard things like ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ or ‘you’re not mature enough’. It sucks right? They provoke certain emotions be it Pride or Low Self-Esteem. Changes can be emotional and we’ve gone through the main triggers for them – are there any that we’ve missed?
Lets start with Maturity – puberty so adolescence to adult:
Jay: Growing up my emotions where all over the place, partly due to puberty but mainly through circumstance. I always tell people that my childhood was cut short as I had to ‘grow up’ faster than expected. As a child, you see the good in everyone – no judgement but as you get older true colours are shown and you start to realise how easily some one can hurt you. Sad but truth.
Ally: Much like Jay I had to grow up quickly… there’s not a lot you can do about it. But, sometimes I look at my cousins who are the same age as me and there’s that small bubble of resentment that they got to wrapped up in that blanket. I was constantly at war with was it all in my head, growing up that made going through puberty all the more confusing. The sad reality as you get older you see how the people closest treat you and sometimes it’s toxic… you then have to make the choice to walk away, because no matter who they are you can’t have those people in your life.
Misplaced faith and trust:
This is a deep one for both of us… We’ve gone through situations that have wrecked us to the point where we can’t even trust ourselves! It’s one of the worst feelings, you’re left second guessing every decision you’ve ever made… it leaves you feeling either numb or wanting to scream and cry until you throat is hurts and you have no tears left. There is no inbetween. It feels like you’ve taken a step forward with trust and then you flung back down the stairs with a broken leg, arm and heart… and everyone around you wants you to be back where you were, but you’re too hurt to stand. With such a emotional rollercoaster, you learn to guard your heart and put up defenses, something we learned the hard way. But, learning that allowed us to become more intune with what we are feeling, why were feeling this way and how we were going to handle it – that was comfortable for us!
Jay: I can admit that by putting so much effort into making sure other people were okay with me, I lost myself. I couldn’t sufficiently describe who I was. This is dangerous because it allowed others to tell me who I am and what I could be; emotional turmoil doesn’t even begin to cover it but I can say I’m not that girl anymore.
Ally: I’ve lost many people in my life, whether it was death or friendships and relationships that haven’t worked out. But, there is one thing I can say is that I’ve never really know how to deal with it. There’s a numbness that comes and it is easier to seek comfort there because it doesn’t mean I have to fall into that pit of despair… which I’m not gonna lie I eventually end up there. But, at least the descent is a little slower! I find myself there less now, but that’s because I’ve learnt who are the best people to have in my life. However, like everything not all losses can be controlled.
Dreams – the reality of them.. :
We’ve both thought about this a lot and discussed it. Dreams only get you to a point, you have to put the work, energy and time into them. Chasing your dreams are never that easy and a lot of times you will find yourself feeling drained… and when they don’t work helpless and defeated. But, that’s okay, dreams are meant to be hard. If they were easy, would they still be a dream? A dream should always drive you, but like everything in life take it with a pinch of salt… it’s important to stay grounded in reality, because it helps you get back up when you fall and continue chasing!