Put Yourself First!

Stemming on from our reflections a couple months back, I’ve been doing a lot of it! Gonna share a personal snippet of my turmoil of emotions while dealing with my ex. I’m just gonna say from the jump – STAY AWAY FROM TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. Okay lets get into it…

9.07.20 I don’t know what I want. My heart is in two different places. My thoughts are spiralling but I’m gonna attempt to get some of this down cos it will be good for me later. Your welcome.

Now, he is the only boy in my thoughts for months now and it’s still a big mess. He is set on us being together, He’s all for it but it’s not that simple now, even though he would disagree and say that it is. I told him that I’m trying to figure out what I want right now. Putting ‘Me’ first is a part of that and he understood even though he probably didn’t like it. He feels all are problems would be solved if we got back together cos it was “soo good”. If I’m completely honest, I’m scared of resorting back to what I was doing before. The toxic side of the relationship he wasn’t aware of since he was reaping the benefits of someone who was all to willing to put his needs before their own.

Thts honestly what’s really holding me back. Not to mention the onslaught of passive aggressive comments he’s made that have knocked me down, again and again..can I seriously put myself back into that situation willingly. But, there is no lack in sexual attraction, which is a huge bonus! But Idk if thts just with him specifically or me wanting to get off sometimes 😂

This a few months old but I’m grateful to be able to look back on it. Quick update, I’m still single and decided that I love myself way more than I ever did before!

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