Purgatory

For the last couple of months I feel like I’ve been in a sort of purgatory and it’s numbing. The news of continuous numbers of people dying, it’s heartbreaking and it leaves you frozen. You’re in this limbo of knowing that life is so precious, but also the fatality of life.

Dwelling on those facts aren’t healthy, but during this time it’s the only thing that has been on my mind leaving me feeling a tad bit empty.

This year has been filled with endless pain and questioning. One of the biggest questions I have been finding myself asking myself is: Is this what it means to be human?

I thought that during this pandemic with all the time that it freed up I would have been more productive, but the truth is it had the opposite effect I was left feeling like I was suspended in time not knowing what will happen next. Stuck in a funk of losing interest in everything around me… it felt like the walls were closing in on me.

Truthfully I am a very introverted person and the thought of going out seems tedious and a little anxiety inducing. But, the knowledge that I am not aloud to and I can’t go out and see friends at my own will was debilitating and left me feeling more anxious and more stressed than before.

But, now I’m feeling a lot better… somewhat! I’m feeling the spark of creativity comeback and the desire to do more. Maybe it’s because I am returning to a schedule of university and I can feel more productive and feel like my day is more structured. I find the more structure that I have in the day the more I feel like I get done!

My 2 week little get away has given me some life and serotonin, some sunshine, sea and laughter. I’m ready to get productive and get all my shit together and finally have some order in my life!

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