If I am 100% honest I don’t even know what happened this month, it went down hill so quickly it is kind of a joke. So, at the beginning of this month it was my birthday… which was interesting as always and if you guessed interesting isn’t always good. Yet I have learnt that things rarely change in my life even if I try to change them so I am left asking the question…
It’s true though nothing ever really goes the way its planned, but that’s mainly because it unpredictable and also life is a bitch. But, I had great expectations for my Birthday which is unusual cause I’m not a big fan of it… but, each plan kept blowing up in my face as it normally does in my day to day life. SO, the true question is why did I expect anything different?
This caused me to bottle up and repress a lot of my issues which includes both anger and hate which doesn’t go so well. And after a while I just end up short tempered and overall not a nice person. This doesn’t help when your brother is dick saying you won’t survive on your own when he can’t even function a dishwasher… the plates go in, not above! I honestly think he thinks there is a house elf that goes behind him and cleans the mess he leaves around the house.
To be honest I think my repressed anger was worse on my birthday, why? Well my family thought it was the perfect to start picking on me and not in the playful way, but in the degrading, derogatory way. But, it’s okay I’m sure they love me deep down and only thought it was playful… it wasn’t. Oh, the icing on the cake was that everything revolved around everyone else, we didn’t do one thing I wanted to do on my birthday… because if we did that, that would be selfish. Heaven forbid I’m selfish on my own birthday! But, I got some super sweet messages from some friends and my cousin. God thinking of my birthday makes me want to drink something alcoholic… I know alcohol doesn’t solve anything, but it’ll make me feel better.
So, that kind of left me in this state:
I don’t know it’s something about this month, being rejected, ignored, isolated and my general self-loathing has just manged to keep me icy enough to go to Uni with a chilling personality and a lack of hope for my future.
Yeah this was meant to be a wrap-up but my month has been a failure in every way, happiness, reading, writing and general living!
But, as much as August has been a bad month for me in general, there has been some good moments that have managed to make it a little brighter. I got to rekindle an old High School friendship. We went out had a nice dinner a couple of drinks and a good old laugh. Reminiscing on some of the funniest moments of High School. Oh God, we were a strange bunch of kids… what we were doing with our lives we don’t know, but I guess that what made it so great! To be honest, I kinda knew it would suck, because it always does now. It may be my birthday month but that doesn’t make a difference. What can I say I have low expectations when it comes to my life, success and happiness!