So, it may be the middle summer and I may have all these grand plans and aims that I want to do. Some I have achieved like going on holiday and some I haven’t like finishing three incomplete book series. But, as I sit outside writing this post soaking up some Vitamin D and looking around for spiders so that I can make a quick escape if I see one, I feel this almost heavy feeling on my shoulders, in my mind and in my stomach. On this beautiful day in London, I cannot help but to feel dreary, alone and a little sad.
Through out majority of today I have surrounded myself with all things that makes me happy – Coffee, tea, chocolate, books, films, tv – yet the feeling has stuck. I feel stuck in a rut of sleep and boredom which is a vicious circle. I find the more bored I am the more tired I become. My mum has made the joke that I am becoming more like a sloth everyday and the worse thing is I don’t think I can argue with her.
I guess the worse part is that I know I am not sad… I’m just disappointed in myself. But, that is nothing new! I guess there is only one solution… to be proactive? To do everything I want to do, make the decision and the plans and just do it. But, my biggest thing is it is easier said than it is done. One of my biggest things that I really wanted to finish this summer was a story I’ve been writing but every time I open the document I can’t seem to figure out what I want to write and I am stuck in the same rut I always end up in – knowing I want to write something but not sure how to write is.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelo.
I always try to keep this quote in mind whenever I feel like I can’t go any further. The reminder that no matter how many times I fail or fall down there is something to learn from it to help me the next time, something that will help me grow and shape me for my future.
SO… I need some grand master plan to help me get my shit together both literally and metaphorically! Any ideas are welcomed. Honestly, I have no clue what to do – make lists, create a schedule or divide things out over different days… honestly no clue!